it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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