i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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