wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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