i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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