i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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