I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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