This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
