Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
