I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
