somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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