you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
