i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
