Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
