I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
