Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
