Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
