I hate your face
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
