And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
