I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
