He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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