I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
