Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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