they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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