Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
