hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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