i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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