my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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