Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
