Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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