I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
