Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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