There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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