I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
