how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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