Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
