I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
