wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
