I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
