...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
