hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
