On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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