WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
