My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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