porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
