pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
