Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
