Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
