Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
