I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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