i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
