3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
