Having a random hookup so left but love u
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
