At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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