So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
