I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
