after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
