I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
