I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
