A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
