Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize