Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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