Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i love accidental penises.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
