I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
