So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
