Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
