Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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